:: sweettalk ::

:: Saturday, March 15, 2003 ::

Oh my, what a day. I was a little late meeting Ross for breakfast because first, after searching for my prospective sisters-in-law, I sent an email to someone whose profile I had seen on both match.com and gay.com. I hadn't sent an email like that since meeting my last real boyfriend Frank online, and that was over three years ago. The recipient had responded by this morning and appreciated my email very much; however, as I suspected, my smoking was a negating factor in his decision whether or not to meet me. Nevertheless, I believe it was a step in the right direction to venture out and let him know someone found him attractive, whatever the result. Mission accomplished.

So, I did meet Ross for breakfast and performed our Saturday morning ritual of reading our horoscopes and that of our waiter. I thought Lord Faustus might particularly get a kick out of dissecting mine:

PISCES: A special project will brings family members together. However, this is not a good day to trust little ones with heavy or sharp tools. Matters of the heart are clear-cut -- do what you must.

Moving on, I went by Starbucks afterwards and ordered my regular drink, a vanilla latte. I remember a time when I was the only one here who drank vanilla lattes; not that I invented them or anything like that. Now, they're on billboards.

I ran by home and threw my last load of laundry in the washer and headed off to my men's meeting at Lambda. The topic for the day was being judgmental. This was particularly appropriate for me as I had wanted to hit the internal auditor over the head with a Big Book on Thursday and scream, "You're repeating the same behavior and expecting different results! Don't you know the meaning of insanity?" Fortunately, I remembered what Dan always asks me, "Isn't he a child of God, too?", and showed some restraint. The topic and discussion also helped me realized how much I've learned since becoming sober. In my family, there existed only fact, not opinion, and whatever Dad said was fact. It took me a while to distinguish between fact and opinion and to realize that while there can be many wrong answers, there can be many right answers to the same questions. In addition, I don't have to be right all the time any more.

I'm able to use good judgment sometimes, even when I'm in the minority of opinion at the time. I thought of three years ago when I decided to leave Nortel. The way they ran the place seemed insane to me and the woman I for whom I was working, while not an idiot, had no idea what our department did. I knew it was not the place for me and that it would take more than I was willing to give to get my region cleaned up. I left in late February having no job lined up and stayed unemployed for over two months. Somehow, I survived all that. In retrospect, it's easy for all of us to see that time was the beginning of the end. Nortel laid off around 60,000 employees in the past two years and its revenue shrank from around $30 billion in 2000 to around $10 billion last year.

I'm going to have to continue this blog later. I'm going to see Adaptation with Tom, George, and David B at the Angelika. Later gator.

:: Kyle 6:47 PM 0 comments
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