:: sweettalk ::

:: Sunday, April 06, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Busy, busy day yesterday. Ross rang, of course, at 7:30 to give me my pre-breakfast wake-up call. I really enjoyed catching up with him since we didn't have breakfast last week when I was in Amarillo. We saw Harry P, Ken, and their other friend that joins them every week at Lucky's. Harry was so nice; he paid Ross for my breakfast before I arrived in celebration of my eight-year birthday.

I told Ross about my week, and he said that ThinkFast had laid off another 5%. He's worn down enough by travelling that his first assignment at Blue Cross/Blue Shield is beginning to look good. Perhaps this most recent layoff will provide him the impetus to look for something new. He's been ruminating about that for a while. I also think it might do him good to work in Austin or California if possible. For some reason, I think that being under the thumb of our family may be hindering him from becoming the man he's intended to be; maybe I'm wrong. I would miss him, but I'd much rather see him reach his full potential. We'll see.

I went by the bank, by Starbucks for my vanilla latte, and by home to take my meds, make my bed, and fix my roll-out-of-bed hair. Then I went to the men's AA meeting at Lambda. The topic was the Twelfth Step, working with others, and surprisingly, the chair called on me. That hasn't happened very often recently. I had a chance to announce that I celebrated eight years on Wednesday, and everyone clapped and congratulated me. I shared on what Mark had read, and for some reason I was shaking and on the verge of tears. I find that I often cry when I'm in gratitute and when I touch on my truth, but the shaking unsettled me a bit.

I met my new sponsor Charlie S for lunch afterwards at the Bronx. He is so pleasant, wise, and practical. I have a feeling that I'm going to like working with him and learn a lot from him. We each shared a bit of our stories, and he informed me how he tends to sponsor people. I think it will work out well.

I headed out to Southlake Town Square, ordered another vanilla latte at Starbucks, and then picked up a spreader, some sand, and bloodmeal at Home Depot. Afterwards, I went to Bart and Jennifer's for Brooks' birthday party. I love Jennifer. With her new hairdo and near-capri pants, she reminded me of Laura Petrie yesterday, but watching all those kids run around and around almost wears me out. Brooks is so funny. Last year, he was so despondent after his birthday party at the fire station because nobody yelled, "Surprise!" It seems that it's not really a party until that happens, so this year, about mid-way through the party, Bart took him in the front yard for a while and then brought him back so we could all yell "Surprise!" Brooks did a face-dive into the deck. What a ham! He finally opened his presents around 4 and seemed to really like the Max D Super Soaker I bought him; however, when Jennifer told him to thank Uncle Kyle, he went over and hugged Uncle Ross. It seems that Uncle Ross and I have a merged identity in the minds of Bart's children because that's happened before with Hailee, too.

I left the party and went to Target to buy Nathan a game of Cranium as a housewarming gift. I returned home and found that Tucker from Amarillo had called in the morning to "rattle my cage" and to thank me for my thank you card. I called him back, and we talked for a while. It seems that he's a platinum blonde now. I was very excited that he called, but I found that I must be in acceptance of our whole situation because the gooey feeling inside doesn't surface anymore. I expect nothing, so whatever happens will be okay. I guess that's good except that I kind of miss the gooey feeling. We'll see if it returns.

I began raking and pulling up the dead grass in the side yard where I plan to plant wildflowers. Tyrone called collect from the Dallas County Detention Center. He has no intention of getting clean and/or sober, and I had told him he needn't call anymore, so I declined by hanging up. Claire called and asked me to be her new sponsor since Dan is moving, and I told her that I would be honored. I hope I can do her right and do even a smidgeon of the job Dan has done for her. I'd like for one of my sponsees to stay sober for some length of time, but it's not about me. It's about her and her sobriety.

I showered, dressed, wrapped Nathan's present, and then headed to his housewarming. We had a great time eating pizza, smoking, watching the storm, and playing Cranium. Reading Neuromancer came in handy as one of the questions asked who coined the phrase cyberspace. I was able to answer William Gibson correctly.

I came home about 11, logged onto gay.com, and chatted a while. I went to bed and tried to read but fell asleep shortly thereafter.

Today in another day. Looks like it will be pretty.

:: Kyle 9:37 AM 0 comments
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