:: sweettalk ::

:: Wednesday, April 16, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Sad. Nothing more than sad. Let’s not call it a tragedy; a broken heart is never a tragedy. Only untimely death is a tragedy. -- Angela Carter

Yesterday was a gloomy, windy, and overcast in the Big D, and I was definitely in a funk by the time I arrived at work. In our email correspondence, I had asked Tucker a couple of times how his Bible study with his friend Doug went because I thought that was very interesting, and he hadn't yet responded. Yesterday morning, it finally dawned on me that perhaps he wasn't talking about a Bible study at all but rather some kind of rendezvous. I can be slow to catch on to such things at times.

I realized that it's his business not mine and that I have no claims on him; however, I also realized that my feelings for him were stronger than I cared to admit to myself. When I was in Amarillo, I heard what he said about long-distance relationships. After that weekend, I drew my own conclusions that even if he desired a relationship with someone, it probably wasn't with me. I thought I had put that all behind me, but I guess I hadn't based on what I was feeling yesterday. I felt like I was going to cry.

Work went fine except that I overwrote some of the codes in my recon so I'm having to do that part over. Slow and tedious.

I had no plans last night, so I laid down to read some more of Tender is the Night. I called Dan later in the evening, and he gave me an assignment. We went over the qualities I would want in a boyfriend or partner: kind, respectful, masculine, smart, honest, interesting, independent, complementary, compassionate, fun, spontaneous, giving, able to receive, emotional, balanced, grounded, trustworthy, and spiritual. Dan noted what I listed last. Then he had me define and rate myself in each of these traits. Next, I'm to list specific things I can do to improve myself in the areas in which I find myself lacking. After that, I'm to list the top ten places where I might meet a man with those traits and the top ten places where I usually meet men. Finally, I'm to put these qualities in my God box and ask my Higher Power to help me improve these qualities in myself and to find a man for me with these qualities in my Higher Power's own time. Whew!

Tom W called, and we chatted a while before I went to bed earlier than usual. At least the sun is shining today. Thank God.

:: Kyle 6:31 AM 0 comments
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