:: sweettalk ::

:: Friday, April 18, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

In the uttermost meaning of the words, thought is devout, and devotion is thought. Deep calls unto deep. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nature

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I could not wait to get off work. Doug said that he would like me to stay until at least next Friday, and it seems that I may be at GE for several weeks to come.

Mid-afternoon, I received an email from Tucker, and in it, he repeated back what I had written on Sunday: "I sure could use some quality time curled up next to you...hope that soon I can get back down that way." My heart began to ache. I would like nothing better, but I have no idea where I stand with him. Or rather, I believe I do have an idea, and it's not where I want to be. I was compelled to immediately write back that I was incapable of keeping it casual, but instead, I paused. I wanted to take control of the situation and do anything to make the pain go away, but I need to turn this over to God and see how everything will play out. Eventually, the feeling passed.

One thing that I realized during all of this was that, despite all my behavior to the contrary, I truly hope to find someone to whom I can devote myself completely. Even better would be finding someone who also wants to devote himself to me. God, if he's out there, please bring him my way, let me recognize him when I meet him, and help me to be the man You desire me to be in such a relationship. I don't think I've ever felt ready before, but I am beginning to now.

After work, I went to Kevin's to get all my hair cut off. Even though I live in Dallas, I'm definitely tired of big hair. Everything went including the sideburns. At our Step Study meeting, Theo said it looked like Simon LeBon's hair in "The Reflex" video. I loved Duran Duran in high school. Rio came out my senior year, and I must have listened to it a million times.

Anyway, Theo led the group through the Twelfth Step, and she did a good job. I think I need to read this chapter several times again in preparation for sponsoring Claire. Last night's meeting was the last of which Dan would be a part, but I think our group agreed to continue meeting on the Twelve Traditions next. Although we can never replace Dan, we're going to discuss whom to invite to join us as the sixth member.

I didn't feel so hot by the time I got home about 10:30, but I feel fine this morning. I just pulled some stray grass out of the wildflower garden. Little sprouts are definitely beginning to come up. I just wish I knew whether or not they are from the seeds I planted. Only time will tell.

:: Kyle 6:21 AM 0 comments
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