:: sweettalk ::

:: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
-- William Shakespeare, Hamlet. Act i. Sc. 3.

Yesterday was mostly overcast and gloomy in Dallas but appropriately so. I hurt so much the first part of the day and am often grumpy when I hurt. I added the March data to my 052300 account recon and worked on that most of the day. Midday, to my surprise, I received an email from Bill S stating that, due to time constraints, he had cancelled the farewell party scheduled on Saturday for Dan.

I called him immediately and talked to him after work. It seems that Dan is feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that has to be done in preparation for his pending move to DC. I totally understand and actually, I'm glad the party is cancelled. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed myself this week - temporally, emotionally, and financially. I think an unscheduled weekend will do me some good. I once had those kinds of weekends all the time, but it doesn't seem to be so recently.

Not having a party to co-host also frees up some of my cash, so I left a message for John to book a massage. I was really hoping he might be available yesterday evening, but I've not received a call back yet. I don't think I've had a good massage since I last saw him in September. I think I must be handling my stress much better these days because, until recently, I often felt knotted up in my neck and between my shoulder blades. Again, progress, not perfection.

I talked to my sponsee who seems to live in a constant state of fear. I feel the urge to get wrapped up in her drama and to save her from her problems, but that sounds all too familiar, as that is exactly what I wanted someone to do for me. I actually find it pretty easy to resist that urge and "detach with love" as the Al-Anoners would say. I need to remember that I cannot keep her sober and that I am here to share my experience, strength, and hope not to make her feel good. Ugggh! Please help me to be compassionate, God. It's not easy.

I worked on my blog a while -- adding links, aligning left, then re-aligning center, etc. etc. Think it is all okay for now. It's amazing to me how many other people are blogging and that people are actually taking the time to read mine. I feel like part of a community; however, I must remember that my intention in daily journaling was to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, not to provide entertainment fodder for the masses. Attraction, not promotion. To thine own self be true. Thy Will, not mine, be done.

:: Kyle 5:08 AM 0 comments
...

0 Comments:

Post a Comment