:: sweettalk ::

:: Sunday, April 27, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Tears are great peace-makers. -- Mason Cooley, City Aphorisms, Fifth Selection, New York

I feel much better now. A little worn out, but much better. Yesterday, I had my regular Saturday morning breakfast at Lucky's with my little brother Ross. I was a little late and a little tired because I had awoken at about three o'clock in the morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed until I realized what time it was. I couldn't go back to sleep until after five.

After breakfast, Ross helped me move the old air conditioner in my side yard to the trash. I went to the men's meeting where Bill S chaired the meeting on the Daily Reflection which was: "Happiness is not the point." I had a feeling that Bill was going to call on me, and when he did I shared what I had experienced the previous night. I told the group that I had realized how much I was going to miss Dan and admitted that I felt sad. I proceeded to totally lose it and could barely finish sharing with all the accompanying sobs, sniffles, and tears. Nevertheless, the whole process was very cathartic as it usually is, and I felt much better afterwards.

Later, I met Dan and David for lunch at Lucky's, and then Dan and I went over to his apartment to clean in preparation for his moving. Afterwards, I came home and took a big two-hour nap and then spent the evening planting the lace fern and Algerian ivy I had purchased the night before. I finished up by weeding what I could in the monkey grass border in front and was worn out by this point.

I decompressed by sitting at my computer and logged on to gay.com. I chatted for a while with Ron in Kansas City and with Kevin from Dallas who also goes to my AA group. We chatted for a good long while, and he finally expressed a verbal interest in dating that he had been dancing around for months. I couldn't do anything last night because, at the time, I thought Dan was going to come and sleep on my couch; however, I also told him that I had rarely slept with or dated anyone from the program in sobriety.

I may have to rethink that. I remember praying a couple of weeks ago for God to help me find a man for me with certain qualities in my His own time; however, I feel nothing but fondness for Kevin. I definitely don't feel the chemistry I'm used to feeling with someone I date, but perhaps I shouldn't be looking for that. I'll pray about it again, and we'll see.

All in all, a very good and productive day.

:: Kyle 1:45 PM 0 comments
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