:: sweettalk ::

:: Tuesday, May 06, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice. -- Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Yesterday was one of those days I just barely made it through. I arrived at work earlier than usual after tidying up a bit around the house. There was not enough work to keep me busy, so I spent most of the afternoon catching up on the news on the Internet.

After work, I dropped my rent off by the landlord's. I had to ask her to allow me to split it again this month. She's always been very nice and supportive when I've asked before, but I hate to take advantage of her generosity. I headed home to chill, and I ate some cheese and crackers while watching TV, but this disquieting feeling would just not leave me.

Around eight o'clock when I could take it no more, I cried, "I surrender! I surrender!" I finally broke down and called my new sponsor Charlie. I didn't really expect him to answer as he had told me he generally turns his phone off between six and ten o'clock. I told him exactly what had been going on during the past couple of weeks and about my hesitation in calling him when I wasn't feeling "fine".

Then, I began to cry. I needed that. Charlie was very calm and reassuring and shared his experience with coming home to die some days. We all do that. It just amazes me how this program works, how the seemingly simple act of reaching out and being completely honest and open and vulnerable with another human being can provide some relief.

I finished making dinner and watched the finale of The Practice on TV. Then I started reading David Sedaris' Naked before drifting off to sleep. Today I feel more equipped to handle the day. Thank You God!

:: Kyle 5:59 AM 0 comments
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