:: sweettalk ::

:: Friday, May 09, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

All our progress is an unfolding, like the vegetable bud. You first have an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge, as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. It is vain to hurry it. By trusting it to the end, it shall ripen into truth, and you shall know why you believe. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Intellect,” Essays, First Series

I've still been obsessing over London although I'm not sure how much I would enjoy living there if it is as dark and dreary as it has been in Dallas lately. We've had hanging over us this haze that has drifted north from the field-burning in Mexico. Some days you can't even see downtown because of it. I hope it lifts soon. It irritates my eyes and my mood.

Yesterday morning, I sat on my kitchen stoop and saw a new little leaf budding on the Joseph's Coat climbing rose I planted this past weekend. I'm so excited! I haven't killed it yet. And the wildflowers are really beginning to sprout now. I'm looking forward to June when they should begin blooming according to the guy at Wildseed Farms.

At work, I finished what I could with fixed assets. I'll be glad to be rid of that although I don't have a very good feeling about how it's going to be managed. That's one of the frustrating things about my work. I come in and clean up certain things but after I'm gone they fall into disarray again. I've no control over that and have learned to let it go, but it still disappoints me at times.

Yesterday I had a sudden urge to immediately quit what I'm doing and find something, anything to do where I feel like I can make a difference, no matter how small. However, I've quit like that before and am not prepared for the financial ramifications of such a decision right now. I do need to take measured steps toward doing work I would love. I will begin that today.

The rest of my workday was spent in the tedious and boring step of accumulating the detail behind each journal entry in the new accounts that I'm reconciling. This part of any reconciliation always puts me to sleep but is very necessary to move on to the fun part of analyzing.

When I get to the analysis, it's like putting together a puzzle although often it seems that someone's scraped the picture-side off all the pieces and removed a few of the pieces as well. For me, it's also a study in human behavior because I can imagine what the person in charge of that account was thinking over certain periods of time and why they made the same monthly transactions and put items into that account. Anyway, there'll be a lot more of that today.

After work, I watched Friends and Will & Grace, made dinner, continued reading Naked, and went to bed earlier than usual. I received an email from Southwest AirlinesAmarillo, and he confirmed that he is planning to visit then. Actually, I'm going to have quite a few visitors from Memorial Day weekend on -- my old crystal meth buddy David from Atlanta, my sobriety sister Chadwick from New York, the witch (literally) and my crush last year Kristina from Denver, and my high school girlfriend Kathy and her kids from Colorado. I guess I'll have to keep up with my new housecleaning regime.

Now to begin another workday. Thank God it's Friday!

:: Kyle 5:34 AM 0 comments
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