:: sweettalk ::

:: Saturday, May 10, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Only passions, and great passions, can raise the soul to great things. Without them there is no sublimity, either in morals or in creativity. Art returns to infancy, and virtue becomes small-minded. -- Denis Diderot, Philosophical Thoughts

It's Saturday. What a relief! I love my weekends more than ever now. This morning I won't be meeting my little brother Ross for breakfast at Lucky's because he called last night to tell me he was in Austin for the weekend. He's visiting our friend Melissa with whom we worked many years ago. I actually chatted with her a bit which is the first time we talked since I was fired from TITAS in 1999. She always wanted to return to Austin while she lived and worked here in Dallas, and I'm glad she did. She's now the development director for an art association down there.

I don't often think about my years at TITAS anymore because they have always seemed tainted by my constant sense of overwork and frustration, my stormy relationship with the director, and my shame and guilt over the circumstances in which I left. But looking back today, I can remember them mostly with fondness and appreciation. I enjoyed putting on the shows, interacting with the artists, helping to create something memorable lasting. I think my favorite artists were Ballet Preljocaj, Margie Gillis, Jose Greco II, River North, Sweet Honey in the Rock, the several companies of STOMP, and many of the premier ballet stars at the Command Performances.

I'm also proud of the work I did there. My brother and I took them from a point where they didn't know how much money they had in the bank to a budgeting and finance system with which they could measure their results. When we arrived in 1996, three people had real computers and the other ten staff queued up to wait their turn for a shared computer. When we left, we had installed a LAN and a digital phone system with voicemail, every staff member had his or her own Compaq computer, we had thousands of dollar worth of training available from CompUSA, and we had a $25,000 NEA grant among others towards the purchase of a ticketing and fundraising system.

It was not until well after my work there that I realized my level of competence in finance, accounting, controllership, and organization. After almost five years of working with small arts- and design-related businesses, I sought to work at older, larger, more established companies where I presumed they would have all their systems, processes, and procedures in place and where I would no longer be the sole left-brain in a right-brain environment.

What I found was quite the opposite, and it does not surprise me at all that we have been in a recession. In the past three and a half years, I've worked for SBC, Nortel, GE, TransCore, the Richardson school district, and the Child Care Group. All were older, larger, and more established than the places at which I worked previously; however, none of them could account for every penny the way I had at the smaller groups. My inferiority complex about my work skills left me long ago.

Perhaps I need to return to that world from which I came. I think I've learned how not to let every little thing drive me crazy. What a bear I must have been to work with back then. I've also learned how to work to support my life instead of living to support my work. Something seems right about this. I think I'll explore the possibilities.

:: Kyle 5:16 AM 0 comments
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