:: sweettalk ::

:: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright
Sun shiny day

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright, bright
Sun shiny day

Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright
Sun shiny day
-- Johnny Nash, I Can See Clearly Now

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -- Hebrews 11:1

Finally, a normal day again. The weather was cool and clear yesterday, and I felt better than ever for the first time in almost a month. I could feel again. That was the main thing. I probably have been depressed because what I always notice afterwards is my inability to feel anything but a constant sense of irritability and hopelessness while I'm in a depression. In severe cases, that turns into anguish and despair, but I've not experienced that since 1997.

I worked all day in preparation for a Fixed Assets meeting today without tiring or becoming bored. After work, I finally went to a six o'clock AA meeting on regaining our lost faith. I've needed a meeting badly but have had no desire to be around other people. Later, I did several things around the house when I came home -- a couple of loads of laundry, watered the flowers, pulled some weeds, etc.

Yesterday, I received two emails. One was an ecard from Tucker thanking me for my honesty and telling me that he'd be in touch. I'm not sure what that means, but I have a feeling that I either hurt his feelings in some way or he's not exactly sure how to respond to what I wrote.

The other was from Jean Paul in Atlanta with whom I chatted for a while on gay.com when I had difficulty sleeping on Sunday night. He is moving to Dallas this summer, and I had offered to drive him around to the different areas of town where a lot of gay people live here. He's 40 years old, very cute, also HIV+, and as a bonus, he's French. Okay, of French descent. Frenchmen make me melt. I don't know why. Anyway, he seems very interested in meeting me, as I am him.

Most of all, I am so thankful that the haze has gone away and that I can feel again. Thanks God. You never let me down.

:: Kyle 6:30 AM 0 comments
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