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:: Sunday, May 18, 2003 ::

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

The rich and the poor have this in common: the LORD is the maker of them all. -- Proverbs 22:2

Rich in the simple worship of a day. -- John Keats, Ode to May

Men are free when they are in a living homeland, not when they are straying and breaking away. Men are free when they are obeying some deep, inward voice of religious belief. Obeying from within. Men are free when they belong to a living, organic, believing community, active in fulfilling some unfulfilled, perhaps unrealized purpose. Not when they are escaping to some wild west. The most unfree souls go west, and shout of freedom. Men are freest when they are most unconscious of freedom. The shout is a rattling of chains, always was. -- D.H. Lawrence, Studies in Classic American Literature

I met my little brother Ross for breakfast at Lucky's yesterday morning, and we talked about his recurrent desire to move to LA or Austin, anywhere but Dallas. He asked what I thought he was running from, and I told him he had no need to feel guilty about wanting to move. In fact, I think a move to a brand new city would be good for him to get out from under the shadow of our family and to build a life with no preconceived notions of whom he should be, where he should live, what he should do. I would miss him terribly but I'd much rather prefer that he follow his bliss.

I went by Crossroads Market to buy a birthday card for my old boyfriend Frank in Colorado Springs and another card for Tucker in Amarillo in case I have something left to say to him. I'm going to talk about that with my sponsor first. I went to the men's AA meeting where the topic was on our Higher Power. Mine sure helps me. I picked up a flower and some things at the grocery store on the way home.

In the afternoon, I finished my laundry, remade the bed, finished washing all the dishes, planted the zinnias, and pulled that ivy weed out of the monkey grass again. Then I settled down for a long afternoon nap.

My Uncle Hal called yesterday evening from his new home. I was so glad to talk to him. I really let him have it during a boundary-setting jihad last year about this time because when he calls to make plans, more often that not, he ends up canceling them at the last minute. I had had enough of it and wasn't willing to make plans with him any more. I'm glad he forgave me for how I said it, though. I'll see him and his new house soon.

Last night I didn't do much besides eat dinner and chat a while with Morgan on gay.com. He's the one I hooked up with 15 years ago but didn't remember. He just recently returned from living in Paris for several years. We ended up getting into a fairly serious but productive conversation about his dysfunctional relationship with his ex of eight years with whom he shares a house. The last time I chatted with Morgan, I felt somewhat like I'd been in the slow lane of life for several years while people like him are out buying houses, cars, clothes, and jetting off to Paris and London.

This time, however, I felt like the rich one. His philosophy seems to be that nothing that he wants in life is ever quite complete. For example, if one were to have a table but the table had no legs, or if one had food but no table off which to eat it. I realized that I have always had exactly what I need even if it's not what I thought I wanted. I'm very grateful for that. I also realized that some of the things I wanted earlier in life would probably make me miserable now.

Morgan and I concluded our chat just as Greg from LA began one with me. He's just recently moved here to Dallas and was very witty. I ended up making a late night booty call to his apartment in Uptown. It was nothing really hot and heavy at least for me but very affectionate. He was very polished and polite, but when I left, I had a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing. No big deal, but just very artificial and surface. What can one expect from a booty call in the first place and a guy from LA in the other?

Anyway, today's another day.

:: Kyle 7:30 AM 0 comments
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