:: sweettalk ::

:: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 ::

i am in it

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace-
that where there is hatred, I may bring love-
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness-
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony-
that where there is error, I may bring truth-
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith-
that where there is despair, I may bring hope-
that where there are shadows, I may bring light-
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather
to comfort than to be comforted-
to understand than to be understood-
to love than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Deep Peace of the running wave to you.
Deep Peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep Peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep Peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep Peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and Stars pour their healing light on you.
Deep Peace to you.
-- Gaelic Blessing

It is eternity now. I am in the midst of it. It is about me in the
sunshine; I am in it, as the butterfly in the light-laden air. Nothing
has to come; it is now. Now is eternity; now is the immortal life. -- Richard Jefferies, The Story of My Heart

Okay, now about yesterday and today. I am probably going to need to begin blogging at night now as I seem unable to get myself up out of bed early enough to pray, meditate, shower, dress, and get out of the house on time to get to work. Actually, this should be good as I've yet to begin doing a daily written Tenth Step as my sponsor Charlie suggested.

So, as my former sponsor Dan suggested a couple of years ago, I begin this blog with my evening prayer from the Eleventh Step, also know as the Prayer of Peace of St. Francis of Assisi. I've not been as diligent in praying this daily, but there's no time like the present to begin anew.

Yesterday ended much better than it began. I obviously did not sleep well as I kept yawning all day. I helped the guys at work with their tasks remaining for May-03 close and pretty much finished up all the procedures I've drafted so far. I am really enjoying working with these guys. For one thing, they're guys. Nothing against women, but I've worked in predominantly female accounting departments for the past two and a half years. It's kind of nice to have some guys to joke around with and most of them share the same sense of humor as my brothers'.

I left shortly after five o'clock to go downtown again to lead the AA meeting at Lew Sterrett. Last night's meeting was on making amends. I shared the experience of both my mistakes and revelations in doing so. One of the guys argued that he didn't think this was an appropriate topic as most of the inmates weren't past Step One much less on Steps Eight and Nine. A lively dialogue went back and forth regarding whether or not it was important to work the Steps in order, when and when not to make amends, and so on. It was very interesting for me to listen to all these opinions from people who had no experience whatsoever in the matter yet.

I shared again at the end of the meeting and told them three things: 1) the Twelve and Twelve tells us that psychologists have identified defiance as the outstanding characteristic of alcoholics; 2) that I was under no delusion that they would all remain clean and sober once they were released, but those who desired to might consider asking people with a considerable length of sobriety about their experience with working the Steps in order; and 3) that Step Nine states that we made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others not except when to do so would injure ourselves.

Afterwards, one of the guys asked me to sponsor him and plans to call me when he's transferred to Wilmer this week. I left the building with so much more energy than when I entered just an hour before. I love those meetings. Even when I don't want to fight rush hour traffic to get down there or am tired or down, I almost always leave feeling better than before. I'm truly grateful for that, and I can tell by look in the eyes of some of the guys that they really want to get clean and sober. That's encouraging even though I know that statistically few of them will make it.

I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few essentials and tried a new recipe for dinner, Citrus Ceviche. I completed three loads of laundry, dead-headed and watered the flowers out front, and did most of the dishes. I was plenty tired by the time I went to bed.

Today at work I got to work on some real analysis projects instead of just running reports. I went to see my doctor around noon to make sure I hadn't seriously injured my knee. He thinks that I just strained a ligament and that it should heal itself within another week or two. I guess no more digging for Farmer Kyle right now. I also asked him to refer me to a new dermatologist and dentist on my HMO and got my TB skin test for volunteering at Bryan's House.

I stopped by my house to make and eat a couple of PB&J sandwiches for lunch. I went by the grocery store to cash a check and then went to the bank to deposit it. That's the only wrong I can think of that I did today since right now I don't have the cash to cover it and a couple of other checks I have outstanding. Hopefully, my paycheck will hit tomorrow and no harm will be done, but still I shouldn't have put myself in that situation. I am so looking forward to a couple of weeks from now when I have enough money in the bank to have a cushion.

I stayed a little late at work this evening working on a new project they gave me. I came home and weeded a bit and made a Crab Quiche for dinner. It was even better than the last time I made it. I watched a little TV and am blogging now. All caught up. What a difference a day makes.

:: Kyle 7:56 PM 0 comments
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