:: sweettalk ::

:: Sunday, July 13, 2003 ::

golden stranger

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Come to this garden where flowers grow high
And there's only love once in a lifetime
Come to this garden where people go by
And there's only love once in a lifetime
Once in a lifetime I'm in love

Come to the garden where children play around,
and there's only love once in a lifetime
Come to the side where no one never dies
And there's only love once in a lifetime
Once in a lifetime I'm in love

Every morning is a fantasy
Every little dream becomes reality
Every second is a second chance
Now that I have love I know where to begin

Come to the garden where flowers grow high,
And there's only love once in a lifetime
Come to the place where no one ever cries,
And there's only love once in a lifetime
Once in a lifetime I'm in love
Once in a lifetime I'm in love
-- La Ley, Al Final


Sunday. I love Sundays. No rush. No hurry. This morning, I can sit here and drink my coffee, smoke my cigarette, look out the window at my wildflower garden, listen to Rachmaninoff and blog.

This week really beat me down, but somehow, I feel all the better for it. Everything, and I mean everything, is different than just a few months ago. I made several mistakes at work this week, and I realized on Friday that I am working with an entirely new caliber of people. No longer do I feel that I know the most about what needs to be done or that I am the most conscientious about my work. These guys I'm working with really know their stuff in Excel, Access, financial analysis, and are able to do it quickly. Although my own mistakes or ignorance irritate me at times, I can tell that I'm really going to be challenged in the next few months. They are committed to driving the company to profitability which they achieved in June for the first time in many months. It's nice to work in that environment after working amongst such mediocrity for so long.

After work on Friday night, I stopped by home to pick up my mail and then drove over to Central Market on Lovers and Greenville for the last Dean rally planning meeting. Everything seems to be going well. I reported that 580 postcards had been mailed to Democratic precinct chairs in Dallas, Denton, Collin, and Rockwall counties, all the surrounding county party chairs, and the Dallas County clubs and organizations. I had received the one I mailed to myself that day, and Sudeep said he had received his in Plano. I had sent out 220 emails to the same group with about 20 rejects or failures, and Tony, Joe, Dana, and I were calling the top 150 to 200 precinct chairs according to number of Democrats that voted in the 2000 Presidential election. Mission accomplished!

I came home and intended to canvass the neighborhood putting Dean flyers on car windshields but was just too worn out. Instead, I made a pizza and sat down to chat online. In the POZ room on gay.com, I told this one guy I'd not seen before that he was a cutie. He didn't respond for a while, but when he did, we had a most interesting conversation. His name is Allen, and he lives in Lafayette, Louisiana. He's 48, about 6'1", 190 pounds, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and has been HIV+ for fifteen years. He's been single the past two years after leaving his alcoholic, abusive partner of sixteen years. He mentioned something about what he wanted and what he deserved. I told him that I would show him mine if he would show me his. He thought I was going to say something about dick and was blown away when I sent him the message to the universe I had written back on May 15:

Please send me a man who is a true equal in his desire to grow, learn, and evolve spiritually--a partner who is affectionate, compassionate, kind, honest, giving, spontaneous, and respectful, with complementary interests to share the journey. I want a person who desires me as much as I desire him. Please send me a man to whom I may devote myself completely and who will devote himself to You and to me.

He said his stomach hurt which was his way of feeling how much he liked me. When he saw my picture and looked at my eyes, he had thought that I was a guy who could break his heart. When he asked if he could call me, I gave him my number and he rang right away. He has such a deep, sexy, gravelly voice with a Cajun accent. It was so nice to talk to him and to listen to him talk about his experience in A Course in Miracles. I could not stop grinning, and my smile muscles hurt. All in all, it was just so refreshing to know that, whatever does or doesn't happen with him in particular, there is at least one man out there who wants the same thing I do instead of being told that my expectations are too high or too heterosexual. I sent an email to my sweet Cajun prince afterwards thanking him and slept very well Friday night.

Yesterday morning, my little brother Ross and I had to wait a while at Lucky's in order to sit in our favorite waiter Patrick's section. We read our horoscopes and talked and laughed, and we got to spend more time than usual talking with ActorDude who's preparing for the role of Molina in Kiss Me Spiderwoman (aka Kiss of the Spiderwoman). I came by home to take my meds and print out phone lists of the Democratic precinct chairs and headed down to Preservation Dallas to do my second-Saturday volunteer stint sitting the Intown Living Center. Only had one visitor yesterday, a very nice young guy from West Palm Beach who wanted a tour of the Wilson House and Historic District. I was able to make 100 calls to Democrat precinct chairs in Dallas County from eleven o'clock until two, and more of those to whom I was able to speak were planning on attending the Dean rally and had received my postcard. From the response, I think the turnout tonight may be even larger than the organizers expect.

Afterwards, I stopped by the grocery store to restock and pick up some things to make a picnic dinner. I found the Blu-Ice thingies for which I'd been looking to freeze and keep things cool. I love my Kroger. It took me a while to figure out the layout, but now I know, and the people who work there are always so nice, friendly, and helpful. I stopped by the Oak Lawn Library to replace a book I had checked out back in 1997 and never returned. From what I can remember, the library's book had been in my office at TITAS at the time I was fired. The librarian was very grateful for the book replacement and looked me up in the computer for the fine. He made some comment about how the city never forgets, but to the surprise of both of us, there was no fine! Amazing how things work when we make amends.

I made one final stop by NUVO to use up the rest of my store credit and buy some Crane note cards and stationery as there are several thank you notes I need to write. Once I got home, I called Francisco to ask if I could pick him up at six-thirty to go to the Shakespeare Festival, and he told me that he had forgotten about it. He told me that I should have called him yesterday or replied to his email he had sent about the coffee-maker I had given him. He told me that he had a friend over right then whom he had not seen in a long time and asked if I could call him back after five o'clock. Boy, was I irritable and discontent after that! I went ahead and began making the honey-roasted chicken breasts I had planned for our picnic dinner, and then proceeded to call fantasy man Tom and counselor Tom to and Ross to see if they'd like to go in Francisco's place. None of them could either go or weren't home to answer.

I then did something different than I normally do. Instead of sitting and stewing about it by myself, I called and left a message for my sponsor Charlie who is still on vacation. Then I called my old sponsor Dan in DC who must have been attending an auction which I could hear in the background. He asked if he could call me back later. Then I called my friend Theo from the Rebellion Dogs and left a message for him. Then I called big Bill from my group and was finally able to talk to him. He listened and totally understood. He listened and suggested that I call Francisco back as I said I would and let it go from there. I did, and everything worked out fine. He asked what time I was going to pick him up, and I told him six-thirty but that he had sounded a little tentative earlier. He said no, if he makes a date, he keeps the date. What a relief because I was really going to be disappointed if I wasn't able to go.

Anyway, I finished making our picnic dinner of the honey-roasted chicken breasts, sweet Italian round bread, sliced Colby and Swiss cheese and crackers, strawberries, apples, and Pellogrino sparkling water, and packed it all with my new picnicware in my new Crate and Barrel picnic basket. I picked up Francisco, and we headed out to the amphitheatre at beautiful Samuell-Grand Park. The staff had my membership letter when we walked in, and we were able to get a prime place on the lawn. I saw Jim and cute Paul from last week's Fourth of July party and said hello. Francisco was impressed with and loved the picnic I had prepared. We sat back and talked and at and enjoyed the pleasant evening. At eight, the play Hamlet began and lasted until eleven-thirty. I was amazed at how much of it I remember, and the actors and costuming were superb. I'm so glad we went, and we may try and see The Taming of the Shrew before the festival ends this year. On our way home, I drove Francisco through the Hollywood/Santa Monica neighborhoods and down Swiss Avenue, dropped him off, and headed home to bed.

All in all, such a pleasant and productive day.

:: Kyle 7:52 AM 0 comments
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