:: sweettalk ::

:: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 ::

usefulness

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

A noble company gathered to develop a society that would create harmony, love, and usefulness. Now I sit on the grave of great hopes.... I look back to see a light that went out from it—small, but bright and pure and true. -- Rebecca Buffum Spring, as quoted in Past and Promise

A public man must never forget that he loses his usefulness when he as an individual, rather than his policy, becomes the issue. -- Richard M. Nixon, Life, June 8, 1959

But, in history, practical usefulness never determines the moral value of an achievement. Only the person who increases the knowledge humanity has about itself and enhances its creative consciousness permanently enriches humanity. -- Stefan Zweig, Magellan: The Man and His Feat

A busy but productive last couple of days. I went on a booty call to meet Dan in Oak Cliff on Sunday morning. It was quick, but we had fun. The funny thing about sex for me is that I often feel nervous or anxious or guilty sometimes before or after, but during it I'm just fine and enjoying myself. I wish I could not go through all that emotional crap before and after but haven't yet determined how to stop.

Sunday afternoon, I did a ton of laundry. I even washed the shower curtain which needed it. I washed all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen some. I cooked a Seafood Quiche for lunch and some Army Creamed Beef for dinner. I had such a difficult time falling asleep on Sunday night. Don't know what that's all about. I think I may be starting to obsess about sex and men again.

Yesterday morning, I finished up the financial statements for my AA group. We are defnitely making progress. We have a reserve set up for all the property taxes, liability insurance, and other bills due in addition to just under three months of operating expense in the prudent reserve. At work, I finished the reports necessary after month-end close, and we met to transition the Daily Sales Report project to JP. In the afternoon, I was able to get much of the database tables and queries built. Today I need to work on estimating the discounts, rebates, and freight income by lab.

After work, I went by Kinko's to make copies of the financial statements for the group and by Taco Bell since I hadn't eaten yet. I made most of the six o'clock AA meeting which was on willingness. I delivered my Treasurer's report at the business meeting, and visited with several people afterwards. Last night, I just watched TV. I've been so tired but unable to go to sleep easily. God, please put my mind to rest. Thanks for giving me the courage and willingness to do what needs to be done.

:: Kyle 6:59 AM 0 comments
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