:: sweettalk ::
the musings and minutes of the committee meetings in my mind| [::..about..::] |
|---|
| :: age: 41 |
| :: ancestry: english, scottish, irish, german, french |
| :: education: finance, real estate, sociology, economics |
| :: gender: male |
| :: home: dallas |
| :: orientation: gay |
| :: politics: libertarian |
| :: religion: christian |
| :: sign: pisces |
| :: species: homo sapiens |
| :: status: single |
| :: vocation: financial analyst/grad student |
| [::..recommended..::] |
| :: cybertheo |
| :: ethnic lounge |
| :: fate delivers |
| :: my quiet life |
| :: the search for love in manhattan |
| :: truck808 |
| :: usinpeace |
|
| [::..neighbors..::] |
| :: sometimeshappy |
| :: force of mouth |
| :: computer academic underground global headquarters |
| :: no smorking |
| :: serial experiments |
| :: radical wacko |
| :: archipelapogo |
| :: random thoughts from a large head |
| :: brilliant corners |
| :: communications paradigm shift |
| :: evaporated |
| :: prairie point |
| :: unadulterated text |
| :: time runs with an ax |
| :: portia of venice |
|
|
| [::..reading..::] |
| ::
came to believe by alcoholics anonymous |
| ::
twelve steps and twelve traditions by alcoholics anonymous |
| ::
the alchemist by paul coelho |
| ::
dune by frank herbert |
| ::
the death and life of great american cities by jane jacobs |
| ::
wherever you go, there you are by jon kabat-zinn |
| ::
if the buddha dated by charlotte kasl, phd |
| ::
atlas shrugged by ayn rand |
| ::
we the living by ayn rand |
| [::..listening..::] |
| ::
time & tide by basia |
| ::
buena vista social club by buena vista social club |
| ::
born by bond |
| ::
michael buble'
by michael buble' |
| ::
time out
by the dave brubeck quartet |
| ::
dvorak: 3 great symphonies
by antonin dvorak |
| ::
a day without rain
by enya |
| ::
crazyhorse mongoose
by galactic |
| ::
joao voz e violao
by joao gilberto |
| ::
town called earth
by greyboy allstars |
| ::
josh groban
by josh groban |
| ::
synkronized by jamiroquai |
| ::
turnstiles
by billy joel |
| ::
come away with me by norah jones |
| ::
les miserables
by les miserables international cast |
| ::
solo para ti by ottmar liebert |
| ::
the best of matt bianco by matt bianco |
| ::
listen without prejudice
by george michael |
| ::
trickle by olive |
| ::
piano concerto no. 1/ rhapsody on a theme of paganini by sergey rachmaninov |
| ::
wish by joshua redman |
| ::
what's new by linda ronstadt & the nelson riddle orchestra |
| ::
seal by seal |
| ::
duncan sheik by duncan sheik |
| ::
...all this time
by sting |
| ::
mercury falling
by sting |
| ::
under the covers
by dwight yoakam |
| [::..links..::] |
| :: all consuming |
| :: biz stone, genius |
| :: blo.gs |
| :: blogdex |
| :: blog matcher |
| :: dive into mark |
| :: extreme tracking |
| :: globe of blogs |
| :: technorati link cosmos |
| :: weblogs |
| [::..archive..::] |
:: Monday, December 29, 2003 ::
vulnerable
God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.
Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.
Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.
Presumption is our natural and original malady. The most vulnerable and frail of all creatures is man, and at the same time the most arrogant. -- Michel de Montaigne, “Apology For Raymond Sebond,” The Essays
The most vulnerable and yet most invincible thing is human vanity: indeed, its strength increases when it is wounded, and can ultimately grow to gigantic proportions. -- Friedrich Nietzsche, Sämtliche Werke: Kritische Studienausgabe
Love is not love until love’s vulnerable.
She slowed to sigh, in that long interval.
-- Theodore Roethke, The Dream
Oh, it has been so long since I last blogged. So many things I've thought about, but have resisted writing for some reason. Christmas is over and it was very, very enjoyable. I love December because even though it's busy, I get to focus on the people I care or have cared about instead of the people who irritate or annoy me. I have a new project to begin tomorrow and school starts in a couple of weeks.
I guess most of what I've not wanted to write about has to do with dating, sex, and relationships. I've been on several dates with different guys most of whom I met online. They've been very enjoyable, and I've not really been stressed at all. I've hooked up with a few guys this past month and have probably had more sex than I did in the previous eleven months of the year combined.
But everything changed this weekend. I had been email corresponding with Joe since the beginning of the month. I had considered him off-limits because he and my "Uncle" Hal met for lunch about the same time he and I first talked, but this weekend we finally talked on the phone for two hours Saturday night and again last night. It's very apparent to each of us that we enjoy each other's company even though we've not yet met face-to-face. We are going to meet for coffee sometime this week. Although I really enjoy him, I can tell I'm "feeling" again, and it's uncomfortable. I can picture myself nestled in the crook of his arm on the couch for some reason, and I even told him that last night. I feel needy and vulnerable and wanting and afraid of disappointment. It seemed much easier not to feel anything at all. I need to keep in the present and just enjoy it for what it is without expectation. God, please give me the power to do that. You know how I can be.
:: Kyle 7:10 AM 0 comments
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