:: sweettalk ::

:: Thursday, February 12, 2004 ::

self-knowledge

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

There is no self-knowledge but an historical one. No one knows what he himself is who does not know his fellow men, especially the most prominent one of the community, the master’s master, the genius of the age. -- Friedrich Von Schlegel, Idea 139 in Selected Ideas

How pathetically scanty my self-knowledge is compared with, say, my knowledge of my room.... There is no such thing as observation of the inner world, as there is of the outer world. -- Franz Kafka, The Third Notebook, October 18, 1917

There’s only one effectively redemptive sacrifice, the sacrifice of self-will to make room for the knowledge of God. -- Aldous Huxley, Time Must Have a Stop

Yesterday was productive. The rain made driving into work a little slow and nerve-wracking. We accomplished much at work yesterday although I can see why they've fallen behind. The work is not difficult, just very time-consuming checking everything with Medicare, Medicaid, and insurance companies. However, I believe we'll get them all caught up in a couple of weeks.

My mortgage broker Bill called and emailed me, and the closing is set for 9:30 AM next Friday. It suddenly feels very real now.

I stopped by Kroger on the way home to pick up dessert and drinks for the Rebellion Dogs. I cleaned up a bit, and they came over about seven o'clock. We discussed "Bill's Story" in the Big Book and socialized for a while. The part of the reading that grabbed my attention was Bill's incorrect conclusion that self-knowledge was the key to solving his problems. I remember thinking that very thing. Knowing better is not enough, and it was utterly demoralizing to have a sincere desire to stop drinking and drugging and still be unable to control my own behavior. It really does require the help of a Higher Power.

I replied to some emails, and Tony called about 10:30. Now, another day, another dollar. Here's my horoscope today:

You would really enjoy being an artist. You love the idea of using the kinds of universal languages, like art and music, to communicate with other people. So what exactly is stopping you? Today you will have the occasion to think about this. Perhaps you think that you just aren't ready, or that you don't really have the talent you need. Don't try to duck out: you are an artist in the very soul of you!

:: Kyle 5:30 AM 0 comments
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