:: sweettalk ::

:: Saturday, January 03, 2004 ::

self-will

God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would always be with me, and that You would keep me from evil.

Thank You for keeping me sober today. Amen.

Self-will in the man who does not reckon wisely is by itself the weakest of all things. -- Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound

Self-interest is but the survival of the animal in us. Humanity only begins for man with self-surrender. -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel, Journal In Time, entry for December 17, 1856

Introspection is self-improvement and therefore introspection is self-centeredness. Awareness is not self-improvement. On the contrary, it is the ending of the self, of the “I,” with all its peculiar idiosyncrasies, memories, demands, and pursuits. In introspection there is identification and condemnation. In awareness there is no condemnation or identification; therefore, there is no self-improvement. There is a vast difference between the two. -- Jiddu Krishnamurti, “On Awareness,” First and Last Freedom

Yesterday was a good Friday. I awoke late and a little frazzled, but at work I finished copying all the journal entries I needed except for one I could not find. I input all the detail and got a little further in the reconciliation. For some reason, I kept saying the Third Step Prayer and Prayer of Jabez above over and over for most of the day. I think there are many times when I'm in self-will and don't even realize it. I really want to become more aware of that as it's beginning to happen rather than afterwards when the damage has already been done. God, please help me with this. I went by Lambda and labeled and dropped off some deposit envelopes, picked up my laundry at Sunshine, and came home and got to work on the December accounting for the group.

Joe called and we talked for a while before he was off to a wine-tasting. I worked until nine o'clock and was so excited to see that we've finally met our prudent reserve and reserve for taxes and insurance and can finally begin contributing this month. I know Michael will be excited too. I went back up to Lambda to collect this week's money and went out to eat with the group at Cafe Express. I came home and chatted a while online and then headed to bed.

I'm already enjoying my Saturday. I started the coffee, ran down to the 7-Eleven for some cigs, email replied and just talk to Joe, have blogged, and am about to count the rest of the money.

:: Kyle 6:37 AM 0 comments
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